البحث | XEPHULA

2024-06-16 22:18:43 -

Subject: Just Passing These On...

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE PUPPIES 

1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. 

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! 

Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE

Worn once by mistake.  Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is.... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER. 

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.  Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect

at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 Children Are Quick

 ___________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

 ___________________________ 

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. 

___________________________ 

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 

TEACHER: No, that's wrong .

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 

(I Love this child)

 ___________________________ 

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 

DONALD: H I J K L M N O. 

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. 

___________________________ 

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 

WINNIE: Me! 

___________________________ 

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

 ___________________________ 

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

___________________________ 

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.

 ___________________________ 

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? 

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 

___________________________ 

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 

HAROLD: A teacher

Subject: Just Passing These On... BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE PUPPIES  1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.  Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY!  Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake.  Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is.... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER.  Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.  Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"  Children Are Quick  ___________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here.  ___________________________  TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?  JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.  ___________________________  TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'  GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'  TEACHER: No, that's wrong . GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  (I Love this child)  ___________________________  TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?  DONALD: H I J K L M N O.  TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.  ___________________________  TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.  WINNIE: Me!  ___________________________  TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.  ___________________________  TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?  LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ___________________________  TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?  SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.  ___________________________  TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?  CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!)  ___________________________  TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?  HAROLD: A teacher

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