Subject: Just Passing These On... BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE PUPPIES
 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
 Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake.
 Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is.... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER.
 Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" 
Children Are Quick 
___________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. 
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 TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
 JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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 TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
 GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
 TEACHER: No, that's wrong
. GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
 (I Love this child) 
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 TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
 DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
 TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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 TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
 WINNIE: Me!
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 TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
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 TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
 LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ___________________________
 TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
 SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. 
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 TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
 CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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 TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
 HAROLD: A teacher