THE BEST CHURCH NEWSLETTER BLOOPERS & OTHERS


Be thankful for church people with typewriters These sentences actually appeared in church newsletters or were announced in church services:

1 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa

2 Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals"

3 The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight:"Searching for Jesus"

5 "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house Don't forget your husbands"

6 The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict

7 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community
8 Smile at someone who is hard to love Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you

9 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help

10 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation

11 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs

12 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir They need all the help they can get

13 Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons

14 During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when JF Stubbs supplied our pulpit

15 The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy"

16 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church So ends a friendship that began in their school days

17 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall Music will follow

18 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice

19 Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones

21 The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel

22 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered

23 Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch

24 The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility

25 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow

26 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon

27 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin

28 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday

29 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door

30 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy

31 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance

32 Mrs Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes

33 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

34 Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High"