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- Subject: Just Passing These On...
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is.... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect
at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Children Are Quick
___________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
___________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
___________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong .
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
___________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
___________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
___________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
___________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
___________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacherSubject: Just Passing These On... BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is.... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" Children Are Quick ___________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ___________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ___________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong . GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ___________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ___________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ___________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ___________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ___________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) ___________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher - Judas Priest
We have had to listen for three years that January 6 was an attempted overthrow of the government. This is incorrect. All Pence was supposed to do is send back questionable election results back to the states for a forensic audit. That was it. Pence did not do this and had the authority to do so. This was a coup led by Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi.
https://imgflip.com/i/8u2f9fJudas Priest We have had to listen for three years that January 6 was an attempted overthrow of the government. This is incorrect. All Pence was supposed to do is send back questionable election results back to the states for a forensic audit. That was it. Pence did not do this and had the authority to do so. This was a coup led by Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi. https://imgflip.com/i/8u2f9f -
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