Sir Rod Stewart says he is proud of his Scottish heritage as he discussed his career change, in music magazine interview he has become a hard Scotland and Celtic fan.

Subject: Just Passing These On...



BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT



These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:





FREE PUPPIES


1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.



FREE PUPPIES.

Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.


Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.



COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.

Also 1 gay bull for sale.



JOINING NUDIST COLONY!


Must sell washer and dryer £100.



WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE

Worn once by mistake.
 Call Stephanie.



**** And the WINNER is.... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.


Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. 
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.

No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.



Statement of the Century

Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect

at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"





Children Are Quick


___________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.




___________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?


JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.




___________________________


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'


GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'


TEACHER: No, that's wrong
.

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


(I Love this child)




___________________________


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?


DONALD: H I J K L M N O.


TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.




___________________________


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.


WINNIE: Me!




___________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.




___________________________


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?


LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.



___________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?


SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.




___________________________


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?


CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)




___________________________


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?


HAROLD: A teacher