BREAKING: Theft of the rainbow by the alphabet people escalates, as Skittles candy begins manufacturing ALL WHITE skittles in honor of pride month, then facing major backlash for allegedly being 'white supremacists...' Which is dumb, but then, the label does read 'white pride skittles,' which has outraged the latte liberals! Who could have seen THAT coming??

I know you think I am joking here... but I am actually not. Everything I just said is ACTUALLY TRUE! I shit you not. Look it up! I can't even write comedy this rich! The jokes write themselves these days!