Some Weekend Humour
The Fly
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, she was wrong and she dropped like a rock and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!
ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.
Traditions
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"
He searched for the last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.
"I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."
Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.
"Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"
"What?! Is the paint still wet?
Thrift
An elderly woman’s husband dies. She wants an obit in the paper but she’s a real penny pincher. She calls up the paper and says; “I need to get an obit for my husband in the paper. What’s the cheapest one you got?”
The person at the paper says; “Well ma’am, you have to buy at least one line.” The woman says; “Ok, I want it to say ‘Frank’s dead.’”
The person on the phone says; “Well ma’am, with one line you can have up to five words.”
The old woman says; “Wonderful! Then I want it to say “Frank’s dead. Truck for sale.”
Some Weekend Humour
The Fly
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, she was wrong and she dropped like a rock and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!
ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.
Traditions
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!"
He searched for the last commander's phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.
"I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition."
Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.
"Excuse me, sir. I'm now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I've found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?"
"What?! Is the paint still wet?
Thrift
An elderly woman’s husband dies. She wants an obit in the paper but she’s a real penny pincher. She calls up the paper and says; “I need to get an obit for my husband in the paper. What’s the cheapest one you got?”
The person at the paper says; “Well ma’am, you have to buy at least one line.” The woman says; “Ok, I want it to say ‘Frank’s dead.’”
The person on the phone says; “Well ma’am, with one line you can have up to five words.”
The old woman says; “Wonderful! Then I want it to say “Frank’s dead. Truck for sale.”
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