• THE BEST CHURCH NEWSLETTER BLOOPERS & OTHERS


    Be thankful for church people with typewriters These sentences actually appeared in church newsletters or were announced in church services:

    1 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa

    2 Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals"

    3 The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight:"Searching for Jesus"

    5 "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house Don't forget your husbands"

    6 The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict

    7 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community
    8 Smile at someone who is hard to love Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you

    9 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help

    10 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation

    11 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs

    12 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir They need all the help they can get

    13 Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons

    14 During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when JF Stubbs supplied our pulpit

    15 The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy"

    16 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church So ends a friendship that began in their school days

    17 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall Music will follow

    18 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice

    19 Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones

    21 The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel

    22 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered

    23 Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch

    24 The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility

    25 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow

    26 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon

    27 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin

    28 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday

    29 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door

    30 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy

    31 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance

    32 Mrs Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes

    33 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

    34 Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High"
    THE BEST CHURCH NEWSLETTER BLOOPERS & OTHERS Be thankful for church people with typewriters These sentences actually appeared in church newsletters or were announced in church services: 1 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa 2 Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals" 3 The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The sermon tonight:"Searching for Jesus" 5 "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house Don't forget your husbands" 6 The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict 7 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community 8 Smile at someone who is hard to love Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you 9 Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help 10 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation 11 For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs 12 Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir They need all the help they can get 13 Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons 14 During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when JF Stubbs supplied our pulpit 15 The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy" 16 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church So ends a friendship that began in their school days 17 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall Music will follow 18 At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice 19 Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones 21 The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel 22 Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered 23 Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch 24 The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility 25 Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow 26 The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon 27 This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin 28 Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday 29 Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door 30 The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy 31 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance 32 Mrs Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes 33 The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" 34 Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High"
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  • What The Church Ladies wrote in the church bulletin. These are actual clippings from church newspapers.

    National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals".

    "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

    The Sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The Sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus".

    Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

    Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

    The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

    Potluck supper, Sunday at 5.00pm - prayer and meditation to follow.

    The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

    The 8th-Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday; "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
    What The Church Ladies wrote in the church bulletin. These are actual clippings from church newspapers. National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals". "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." The Sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The Sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus". Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper, Sunday at 5.00pm - prayer and meditation to follow. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door. Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance. The 8th-Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday; "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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